Have you heard the atrocious Metallica-Lou Reed collaboration yet?

I read enough metal news to know Metallica was working on an album with 1960s hippie-dippie rocker Lou Reed, but I wasn’t too excited about the collaboration; frankly, Lou Reed bores me and I didn’t see how adding Metallica to the mix would improve Reed much.

Today, however, I stumbled across “The View,” the first single from the Metaliloureedica album “Lulu” — and all I can say is “wow, this crap is 100 times worse than I ever imagined it would be.”

What’s it sound like? Musically, the riffage sounds like a leftover out of the “Load/Reload” sessions — kinda average, rather pedestrian, not bad but certainly nothing to make me jump out of my seat. Upon repeated listens, “The View’s” main riff sounds like a ripoff of “Sad But True.”

Alas, the music is the best thing about the song.  There’s nothing even remotely kind I can say about Reed’s voice.

Again, I’m no Lou Reed fan. As far as I’m concerned, Lou Reed can pick up “Take a Walk on the Wild Side” and take it somewhere else (far, far from me). The best thing I can say is the original Velvet Underground version of “Sweet Jane” is pretty decent … but the Cowboy Junkies version of the song puts Reed and the Velvet Underground to shame.

So I’ve admitted my bias … but even if I were completely impartial, I can’t believe I’d enjoy “The View.” Reed’s performance sounds like someone got Reed slightly drunk in the studio, put him in front of the mic and told him to “wing it” to the music. Well, “wing it,” Reed does; he rambles incoherently and tunelessly through the entire track, never making sense, never finding the rhythm, not carrying a hint of a melody, etc., etc., you get the idea.

Metallica vocalist James Hetfield tries to save this flaming poop bag on the choruses, and the band speeds up for an instrumental coda and choppy-as-hell guitar solo at the end, but it’s too late. Nothing the band could do would keep this wreck from crashing dismally.

Wanna hear it? Knock yourself out, cuz it’s right here on Youtube.

So I’m gonna skip “Lulu” when it drops later this month. But hey, there’s a new Megadeth album coming and at least they’re not peeing on their legacy …

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