All black metal artists confess: “We just want to be happy!”

Associated Press — OSLO — In a statement that is sure to send shock waves through throngs of corpse-painted, winter-woods-loving nerds and D&D worshippers everywhere, the entire black metal community confessed Sunday that, in essense, the entire ”black metal” movement was created as “a jokey bit of fun.” The statement is signed by members of every well-known black metal [...]

Travis T’s (next) essential album: L.A. Guns (self-titled)

Ohhhh yeah! I’m back! It’s me, totally awesome Noise Pollution intern Travis. Woot woot! They made that other guy go on “furlough” or “unpaid mental illness recovery day” or something, and left me in charge! Good thing, too; all that freaking old guy did was blah-blah-blah about “black metal,” which is nothing but a bunch [...]

Tiffany’s complete history of heavy metal

So, I totally got a book from the library yesterday about the history of metal called “Sound of the Beast: The Complete, Headbanging History of Heavy Metal” by a guy named Ian Christe. Well, I only had to skim the book jacket to know Mr. Christe is totally wrong about everything concerning metal. So, in [...]

Tiffany and Amber dish on who’s the Most Metal of them all

Tiffany: The world’s soo fully of poseurs who think they’re all “metal.” Amber: Totally. T: I’m mean, I was at the Hot Topic Saturday? And this guy in front of me in line is buying a Dark Funeral T-shirt and I was like, “oh please, get out. You have the stupidest haircut I’ve ever seen [...]

Travis T’s Essential Album: Poison, “Look What The Cat Dragged In”

YO! What up? Travis T. here – that’s T as in “totally awesome Noise Pollution intern Travis!” Woot! Ain’t no party like a Travis party, cuz a Travis party don’t stop! I got this job cuz I’m totally down with the metal. And to prove it, I’m gonna hit you up with the Greatest Metal [...]